Answers to Corrispondance

Last week I challenged the lads to throw me a few teasers and get some of those questions answered that they had always pondered about.

JB in his usual enthusiastic vigour sent enough to keep me, and the staff of several universities busy until June.

But as today is his birthday, I have selected a few of the best to which I shall attempt to answer.


Please would you fix it for me to know where the phrase "thinking cap" comes from? i.e. "Best get your thinking cap on".

This rule was brought in by the health & safety people who were concerned our heads might be singed by the spontanious appearance of a floating lightbulb.


How many people would have to die before I became king?

I’ll hope by this that you are referring to succeeding naturally,rather than through anything more treasonous!

Now taking into account that there are 60 Million people living in the United Kingdom,then I would put you in at 59,432,998th in line to the throne - one behind the cat from the opening titles to Coronation Street.


When will they invent spectacles that can see through clothing. Only female clothing mind. And why would that work? Surely you'd also see through the flesh and therefore only be presented with a view of the internal organs and tendons?

You mean you havn’t got a pair yet? You’ll be telling me next you don’t have a jetpack!


Why do I have bad hair days?

Because when you are sleeping Tracy uses your head as a potter’s wheel.


Who decided that we should work 5 days a week and only have 2 fora weekend? And more importantly can I make them change their mind?

Well Edward Heath did try and introduce a three-day working week, But everybody shouted at him until he went away.


Could the internet ever be turned off?

Yes, there is a big red button hidden in a field in Shropshire. For security reasons they have painted it with white dots to look like a toadstool.


When did it become popular to use toilet roll instead of a leaf on a stick?

After the great stinging nettle invasion of 1854


When will my feet stop growing?

When you forget about feet and start using the metric system like the rest of us!


If the earth were the size of Richard Branson's balloon thing, how big would the moon be and how far away would it be? Could I reach it on a standard household ladder? What about if I then also had a stick in my hand?

No, because if the earth was the size of a balloon then everything in it would be scaled down to the same ratio. Therefore the moon would be exactly where it is now and ladders would still only be high enough to get you into the loft.

If someone were ran over by a steam roller from their feet upwards, when would they die?

I would guess that the cause of death would come with the crushing of the chest cavity and all the internal organs. However in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Judge Doom survived the process entirely, and only died when he was later exposed to the deadly dip.

Thank’s JB… Hope that enlightened you on your birthday!


Some of the other's have also been getting in on the act. Ads has posted a question below.

Tom submitted one question, to which I’d have to say… no, have you looked in the last place you had them?

I would also like to take time to thank Chi-Chi for his question, which I will get around to answering once I have found a rugby team drunk enough to explain all the innuendos.