It is a shock to motor sport enthusiasts everywhere to hear about the death of 1995 WRC Champion Colin McRae and his young son at the weekend. Although an English site, Brysonline today proudly flies the Saltire on our masthead to honour a Scottish great, and a true British motor sport hero!
Chances are that by the time I have written this post there will not actually be anybody left to read it. You will instead be queuing impatiently outside your local branch of Northern Rock waiting to withdraw your life savings and tuck them safely into your mattress.
Not only does this provide a significant fire hazard, but it will probably be music to the ears of your friendly neighbourhood burglar, who had at best been hoping for some quality silverware and a Nintendo Wii.
We won’t even begin to discuss the difficulty these mattress-stuffers will have the next time the Bank of England decides to re-design the Fiver.
“It will all be okay!” comes the constant call from the Treasury and the Bank of England, “There’s no need to panic!”
But after ten years of Blairist government spin, nobody is ready to believe anything anymore!
Several years ago I was driving home from Kingston when traffic suddenly ground to a halt. For more than an Hour I sat motionless wondering what the problem possibly could be. Eventually the police managed to restore some kind of order and away I went. About a mile down the road I came upon the cause of the trouble. Half of Greater London was attempting to fill any possible container they could find with Petrol. I’m convinced to this day that I even saw one bloke topping off his hot water bottle!
What was the cause of this dash for petrol? Nothing more than a rumour on a radio station!
A human being is a wonderful thing. We have the ability to innovate, invent and adapt in any situation. But put a few of us together…
So if you are busy stuffing your mattresses, please remember not to smoke in bed. Especially if you're hoarding Premium Unleaded in your hot water bottle!
As missions go it was far from the most complicated. I was not trying to take out hydroelectric dams in a low flying lancaster or cover-up evidence of an extra-terrestrial encounter.
My mission if I chose to accept it - and I did – was simply to purchase a lukewarm pastry snack treat from a mobile office catering van.
Unfortunately for me today was the day that everything changed! What was once a simple exchange of money for goods has become – for my own benefit – a much more drawn out procedure.
As of today lukewarm pastry eaters everywhere must first compile a Pastry Information Pack or PIP for all purchases of 75p or over. The document which costs about £200 contains detailed information about the percentage of meat, conditions at the pasty factory and a list of E numbers and Bacteria contained within the pastry crust.
These documents are the first step by the government to simplify the Pastry purchasing process and eliminate the posibility of being disappointed by poor quality, greasy snack treat.
A similar procedure is scheduled to be introduced later in the year for purchasers of Potted Noodle meals and many motivated people have already applied to get their hands on NIPs. Although these NIPs may be tweaked following consumer feedback.
Plans for a Spaghetti Hoops Information pack - or SHIP - are reported to have sunk without trace.
The good news is my application for a Sausage Roll has been accepted, and I should be able to complete my lunch within 4-8 weeks.
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