Chaos, Panic and Disorder...

Chances are that by the time I have written this post there will not actually be anybody left to read it. You will instead be queuing impatiently outside your local branch of Northern Rock waiting to withdraw your life savings and tuck them safely into your mattress.

Not only does this provide a significant fire hazard, but it will probably be music to the ears of your friendly neighbourhood burglar, who had at best been hoping for some quality silverware and a Nintendo Wii.

We won’t even begin to discuss the difficulty these mattress-stuffers will have the next time the Bank of England decides to re-design the Fiver.

“It will all be okay!” comes the constant call from the Treasury and the Bank of England, “There’s no need to panic!”

But after ten years of Blairist government spin, nobody is ready to believe anything anymore!

Several years ago I was driving home from Kingston when traffic suddenly ground to a halt. For more than an Hour I sat motionless wondering what the problem possibly could be. Eventually the police managed to restore some kind of order and away I went. About a mile down the road I came upon the cause of the trouble. Half of Greater London was attempting to fill any possible container they could find with Petrol. I’m convinced to this day that I even saw one bloke topping off his hot water bottle!

What was the cause of this dash for petrol? Nothing more than a rumour on a radio station!

A human being is a wonderful thing. We have the ability to innovate, invent and adapt in any situation. But put a few of us together…

So if you are busy stuffing your mattresses, please remember not to smoke in bed. Especially if you're hoarding Premium Unleaded in your hot water bottle!