Macca Tracca Update

The latest news from the Ministry of Maccarology, Macclesfield

Hopes were high for a weekend sighting following reports that he had been seen standing in for a traffic cone on the A27. Unfortunately these sightings could not be confirmed. This may mean that the reports were fanciful, or more worryingly that he was taken home as a souvenir by the remnants of a stag party - who had already collected a keep left sign and a police woman's helmet.

For the time being at least we must keep our official rating at "Red - No Sighting"

Chi Chi's 40th

(L-R) Tom, Chi-Chi, Nige & Ads all suited and booted for the evenings festivities.
Not pictured, Pope Gregory IX, Snoopy or Tara Palmer Tompkinson

Good News All Round

It's not every day you wake up to some good news!

And after 7 days of unexploded bombs, smoking bans, heavy flooding and long goodbyes (some expected & other's not) I think we are all happy to finally hear a positive piece of news! Alan Johnston is free and on his way home!!

And in the spirit of the day, I can now offer another positive bit of news. Ladies and Gentlemen kindly be upstanding and raise your glasses to the long awaited return of the never missed and possibly unpopular Brysonline MaccaTracca!

Yes, the online free service which can monitor how long it's been since we last saw the 2006 Grand Chiltie Award winner, our very own Macca.

It's being brought back at RED because of it's been a while... but check back regulaly because he's out there somewhere!! Possibly standing outside a pub in the rain.

From One Cloud to Another

I thought at first it was a mirage. Possibly a result of too many late nights or long term damage caused by the spicy sausages at Le Mans. I had to rub my eyes and take another look.

It’s definitely real, I can see it there between the clouds. It has been so long since I last saw it I’d almost forgotten what it looked like… it’s the sky!

After a month of solid rain, during which time enough water fell on this country to put Volvic out of business, the clouds are finally going away. Which will certainly make it more comfortable for those of us who shall in future be spending more time outside the pubs than in them.

Yes last night I got my first taste of what life will be like in this formerly free country – al fresco!

No more can I sit in the pub and have a drink & a smoke in peace. After years of being told not to stand about on street corners it's about become the routine of people all round the country.

There are soon going to be two distinct groups of public house patrons whose paths may never meet. As the smokers and non-smokers divide at the door to form their own little cliques each evolving independently of each other, with their own cultures and customs.

Who needs to stand inside? Who needs warmth and telly & pool? It’s a brave new world and I am going to stand proud and embrace it! Outsiders Forever!!

The blue sky has gone now. I think it may rain again soon…

Bugger!

Smile!

So Traffic wardens in Manchester are going to start wearing head-mounted CCTV cameras as they go about their their daily duties.

There are some who would argue that this is a vital tool to aid and assist our much maligned parking enforcers as they carry out their essential duties of keeping our streets clear of white vans and Chelsea tractors.

Others will say that this is the Big Brother society going too far, and protest that it is a violation of our core human right to privacy. That in a world where a parent cannot take out a camera at a school sports day for fear of being branded a pervert, there will be an army of complete strangers filming everybody, everywhere!

However surely the most important point to be made is not one of an Orwellian nature, but that of instant comedy gold. Surley this footage would be a gift for YouTube!!

How long before a head mounted camera records something truly hilarious such as a “something about mary” toilet related mishap, or an elderly driver managing to park a Fiesta halfway up a tree.

Today’s newspaper had a photograph of a Trafic Wardens van being towed for parking at a bus stop. While the crowd cheered and applauded this comical reversal of fortunes the Traffic Warden in question still found time to place a parking ticket on the tow truck for being parked in a Red-Zone!

Just imagine if all that has been filmed? We’d have been talking about Bafta Winning Comedy!!

Street Crime - Country Style!

It was late one Saturday night. I was headed for home along a route I have successfully navigated hundreds of times before.

Suddenly there was a noise which took my attention. A strange combination of growl and hiss began to come from the bushes to my right. The culprit soon presented himself to be a fairly sizeable badger who had taken an extreme disliking to my presence this particular evening.

It was a moonless night but I could still just about make out the stripy faced little git as he began to charge towards me.

Now I had grown up as a child on the image of the Gentle, wise old badgers from tales such as Wind in the Willows and The Animals of Farthing Wood.

The one that was charging down this slightly bemused bystander on a moonless Saturday evening was certainly no Genial wood-dweller. Here we had a hole-dwelling hoodie not only heading for his first ASBO, but more importantly, heading for my ankles.

I had up until this point been having highly enjoyable evening and had no intention of ending it by being eaten alive by a loveable woodland favourite - The humiliation would have been to great.

So I took the only obvious action available to me at the time. I turned on my heals and legged it. I very nearly gave him my wallet and car keys as well!

And so I come to stand before you all today and ask you take heed of my warning. Street crime is not just an urban thing. It’s just a lot more bizarre out here in the sticks.

Snappyracers.com Launches Printing Service!

Stop looking at her! Look at this!

As of May 2007, www.snappyracers.com has luanched a new printing service that can provide professional quality prints of almost every image on the website. A 6x4 print costs just £2.50!

We can print up to an A3 image plus if you want to get all fancy there's the option of having the print on a stretched canvas over a wooden frame. Admittedly this costs £140 or so but the option is there!

Already in the first week we've had 4 drivers and teams contact us to order prints. Payment is quick and easy through Paypal and the photos are with you in under a week.

So have a look at the site and then send me an e-mail. It really is that easy...

JB

The New Justice Squad

Today the Home Office gets split in two forming the new "Ministry of Justice"

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like it should have been something from a Marvel Comic.

Is it a bird, is it a Plane... no! It's the Minister of Justice! See how he soars through the traffic lights in a police escorted Jaguar.

Deep in a Whitehall basement an over-worked Civil Servant has accidentally placed a list of 500 dangerous criminals in the "To Shred" pile instead of passing it on to the Police. But Never Fear, The Secretary of State for Justice is here!!!

See how he solves the problem by using his special powers of Fax and Email

Oh I can see a film franchise now!!!

Politics is in the Air

Well it’s that time again. Jeremy Vine is busy dusting off his swingometer and the Dimbleby’s are having a lie-in ahead of a very busy evening of debate, interview and analysis.

Yes it’s the English local elections!

Politics is in the air at late. Firstly we have a General Election looming in France, and the new resident of the Elysee Palace is surely going to have impact on the Continent of Europe as a Whole. In America there is an ongoing conflict between the Democrats and the White House over the future of the war in Iraq. And now here in Sussex we get to have our say on those Major issues such as should our bins be emptied once a year, or simply be placed under surveillance by an Environmental Special Branch.

The environment has been the central issue of this campaign for most. With David Cameron proudly announcing that you can Go Green by Voting Blue. Recycling is more popular than ever, slightly too popular it seems after reading a story yesterday on the BBC website about a woman charged for feeding her husband a Dog-Poo Vindaloo. Waste not..!

However on the whole the local elections in England will probably will probably prove little more than a popularity poll for the Government in Westminster, and a reading on the state of play coming into the 2009 General Election.

That is just England… On the other side of Hadrians wall things are a lot more interesting.

The Scots seem to be not voting only on who gets to run Scotland, but seemingly the very future of the union itself. The SNP promise a referendum on Scottish in dependants within 100 days if they can take control of the Scottish Parliament.

Is this marriage of 300 years really nearing the end?

The one thing we all know is certain to end is the Premiership of Tony Blair. Sometime next week he is wildly expected to pop round to the Palace and resign as PM, triggering the leadership contest that will almost certainly be won by Gordon Brown.

Politics is in the air at late, and it’s certainly an air of change.

So make sure you’re a part of it. Make sure you’ve had your say!

Do your bit for British Democracy - Go & Vote!

Tell me why I just like Thursday

I’ve always liked Thursdays. It dates back to an era when my local pub would only ever get in enough alcohol to last until midway through Monday evening leaving the place dry until delivery day. Thursday was delivery day and therefore a day you were guaranteed to be able to board the Happy bus to Heinekenland without let or hindrance.

Thursday has therefore become enshrined in my conscience as a night for drinking with the lads. We have all accepted over time that if you were ever looking to get everyone together in one room then a Thursday is the day to do it.

And on a Thursday there is always something to talk about, as Thursday is also “Autosport day” - The day when my new copy of the motor racing bible reveals to me the latest coming and going-on in the motorsport world. OK admittedly it’s breaking news significance has lessened in these days of 24 hour online news, it’s still a cracking read and well worth the wait!

Now over the last few weeks Autosport magazine has featured photographic contributions from our very own JB. They are small and usually at the back but it’s a major achievement never-the-less. Especially if like me your attempts at photographing moving racing cars often results in 36 pictures of empty tarmac.

Hopefully this week JB can make the leap from the back pages of Club Motorsport to the International Scene. Starting tomorrow he will be at happy snapping at Brands for the British Round of the A1GP Championship.

Unfortunately it’s not been quite as enjoyable a day for many others.

Prince Harry has been told he may not be able to join his regiment in Iraq after all, and rapper Snoop Dogg has been refused entry to Australia. That’s right, refused entry to the country that is home to Erinsborough’s evil super villain Paul Robinson (The evilist hotel owner on Earth!!)

But the best story of the day has to be the arrest of Hugh Grant for allegedly assaulting a journalist with a tub of baked beans. Surly as a news story that is about as English as it is possible to get!!

All fuel for discussion at our usual Thursday night get together. After all it is the stepping-stone to Friday Night and the weekend ahead!