After years of moaning that we never get proper summers in this country, a two week heatwave has had me seriously considering relocating to Finland. As I fanaticise about being a bag of Birdeye Frozen Peas, I have decided to never moan about the cold again. I even caught myself thinking back to that sub zero day at Brands Hatch last February, where I almost lost my drinking hand to frostbite.
Now here in July, the temperatures at work soar from comfortable, to sticky, to medium rare. There are lots of people in the 21st century it seems who have prepared for this once in a decade event by fitting Air Conditioning units us alas, we are not one.
This afternoon I swear that the water level in my glass visibly dropped as I watched. The evaporated beverage had formed a small cloud on my desk, which I am worried that if the wind changes direction, may eventually drop as rain on the photocopier and kill us all.
Yesterday in an attempt to cool off I finally bowed to temptation when I heard the piercing jingle of the Ice cream man’s van. Unfortunately the heat had even proved too much for his coolers and my anticipated “99” became more of a warm Vanilla Milkshake.
Of course in the evening you can always take a dip in the pool to cool off. Ok so it’s not technically a pool but the Goldfish don’t seem to mind and apparently pondweed can be good for the skin.
Then there is always the bonus of a cold beer on the pub patio. I don’t believe there is yet a Nobel prize category for brewing, but if there were it should certainly go to the bloke who came up with the “Extra Cold” concept.
Last night though I stayed in, and decided to get myself mentally prepared for the night by watching “Scott of the Antarctic”, “The Day after Tomorrow” and “Ice-Age”. Eventually with my head filled with images of Icebergs and Penguins I was ready to remove my pillows from the chest freezer, curl up in a foetal position around the portable fan and prepare for the Night.
As it happened I had prepared perfectly, and the next thing I knew it was 8:45am and I was late for work!
However, what I had missed during my near hibernatory slumber was the mother of all Thunderstorms, well of all small thunderstorms of the variety you get in Sussex anyway. I mean I won’t get carried away it wasn’t Hurricane Katrina, but was by all accounts very dramatic.
The sky was so bright that you could only view it properly through an arc welders mask, the ground shook as the Thunder rumbled on ceaselessly. Seemingly everybody within 20 miles had been woken by the storm, everybody but me, who was happily dreaming about living as a reindeer farmer in Lapland.
Still it’s not seemingly getting any cooler. I’m sure over the next few night we’ll get a reprise of Mother Natures pyrotechnics. Perhaps next time I’ll be able to join in the discussions about it.
And so once more it’s back into the furnace, I mean office, for another day! Still the ice-cream man will be here in a minute, I can get myself another Milkshake!
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