How to have a Bloody Good Time

Imagine the scene. After years of trials and tribulations you have finally been handed your big-break in Hollywood. The top “slasher” movie director wants you for his next masterpiece “Springbreak”. Unfortunately for you there are to be no big budget special effects here, Bloody Good Time is a simple game in which you must kill or be killed.

It begins with me standing in the bedroom of a beachside house, just in the wardrobe to my right seems to be a very large samurai sword which I collect, imaging it may prove useful later on. A voice tells me that we are about to shoot “the hunt” and I am presented with the image of slightly spooky looking clown it will be my task to eliminate.

I turn out of the room and on to the backstage area of a film set. I notice on the wall below a scaffold is a large red button, it's just sitting there tempting me looking all big and red and buttony. “What the heck” I think to myself as I give it a press. Above me comes the sound of a trapdoor opening as a young goth girl crashes limp and lifeless at my feet.

I sheepishly move on after being at the receiving end of directorial dressing down for killing the wrong person. I walk into what appears to be a hotel lobby, by now my needs indicators at the bottom of the screen are showing me to be a little peckish. I wonder to the bar where I order a cheeseburger the size of my head – tasty!

A message flashes up telling me that my red-nosed quarry was last spotted on the beach. A quick look around shows it to be just through the double doors of the lobby. I run outside where my floppy footed friend is spotted climbing a rock to my left. Let the hunt begin

I catch him unawares on top of the rock taking a rocket launcher from a crate. Knowing I have not been spotted I draw my sword and move in for the kill. My quarry turns to face me at the last minute when suddenly the perspective jumps to third person and I see my swimsuit clad beach babe, knife in back turn to face her own killer, a pink leotarded Vegas showgirl who is already wriggling her bottom in a jubilant fashion over my now lifeless body.

The scene was completed as my once hunted clown, blew the mocking showgirl away with his rocket launcher, no doubt thanking the gods for this double piece of good fortune – his own hunter taken down by his nominated quarry.

He has no time to hang about however as I am resurrected on a nearby rooftop. My Samurai sword has been lost during my untimely demise but in the corner of the room I see a molotov cocktail . My journey to collect it is interupted by a message telling me I am about to have an accident – bloody cheeseburger went straight through me. Thankfully a portaloo is situated nearby and I am able to take care of my bodilies. A fatal mistake it would transpire. As I sit on the bowl a beach bloke in blue bermuda's bashes my head in with a frying pan before flushing my lifeless corpse down the pan

I am resurrected one more time in the sitting room of a house. Behind me in a suitcase is something called a robo-mouse. My curiosity drives me to pick it up and discover it to be small radio controlled mine. I send my little robo rodent off in the direction of my cursed clown friend. I find him sleeping on a bed upstairs, bad time for nap-time! Before he can do anything I detonate sending pieces of killer clown in all directions. My day's work has been done, and I can't help but laugh.

In fact I have been laughing almost non stop for the last 5 minutes. Because everything in Bloody Good Time is hilarious!

OK so there are only 3 maps, but when the game cost less than a pint of lager of the Queens Head it doesn't matter. The servers can be quiet at times but that's because like many people I only found it by accident. The game is not being promoted at all by the developer and rumour is that the small British publisher has had to go into hibernation praying for this game to become a success.

So I'll try and spread the word, Bloody Good Time is exactly what it says on the box, or digital download in this case. If you have a few pound coins in your pocket, or a few left over Xbox live points then you could to much worse than give this a go. Because for a ten minute blast on the PC/Xbox, this is amazing fun. Although my last 10 minute blast turned into most of last Saturday!

http://www.ubi.com/UK/Games/Info.aspx?pId=9099

Roll of Honour

My Top 5 Most Memorable Computer Game Characters


1. Portal - The Companion Cube:

It’s a cube with a pink heart painted on the side. Not obviously a legendary character but during the short time you spend together it saves your life, helps you complete your goals and breaks your heart. In it’s final tragic twist it is distroyed at your own hands leaving an emotional scar that will never quite heal.


2. Max – Sam & Max Hit the Road:

Max is a a hyperkinetic rabbity thing intent on chaos and distruction. What more could you ask for?


3. The Military Advisor – Civilisation 2

Conquering the World is hard, as many people have discovered over the years. Sometimes when you find yourself caught in a pincer movement between the armies of Queen Elizabeth the 1st and Abraham Lincoln, you need a little re-assurance, and often a calm voice pointing out that building another 60 battleships is always a good idea.


4. Jools & Jops: Cannon Fodder

It’s slogan of “War has never been so much fun” hid a message of pacifism. After every level you paid tribute to your fallen comrades and watched the cemetary slowly filling up behind the queue of willing conscripts. None were missed so much as your first two soldiers. After all you’d come into the game together, but only one of you would see it through.

5. The Mechanic from Toca Race Driver 3.

I know you thought you were helping mate but for the love of God just leave me alone!! I was racing in the DTM when you found me, I made the podium that day. A few pieces of helpful advice later and I am back in England looking at a season in Clio’s. No matter how you look at that it’s a backwards step. I would take me several seasons before the DTM will come knocking again, during which time you will have me peddling everything from Trucks to Baja buggies. You my old mucka… are Fired!!