The Chilties: Shortlist Revealed

With the Chiltie awards around the corner, it is time for the final Nominees for the Bryson – Moment of the Year to be revealed:

1: SVEN GORAN ERIKSSON BREAKS MACCAS WHEELCHAIR

Yes, way back in the summer saw us gather once more in Le Sarthe for the worlds greatest race, the 24 Heures du Mans. It had clashed this year both with the Soccerball Cup and Maccas enthusiastic attempt to raise his motor insurance premiums.

Plastered up to heal his car crash crushed bones, Maccas Le Mans was always going to be interesting - not least on the logistical note of getting a wheelchair & everyones camping year in the back of a Mini.

Dispite the miracle of getting his chair across France in one piece, an inaine trek across the circuit in search of an England soccerball game saw the wheels fall off Maccas plans for a crutch-free weekend, and quite literally fall off his chair.


2: JAMES’ BIRTHDAY

When it comes to Young Jim you can almost be guaranteed hilarity. After several years of finding himself drunk and stranded, miles away from home, he decided this year to get drunk and stranded within staggering distance.

After Falling over in the Garden, Falling out of a Window, and Falling over the billiards table, his head may have been convinced that he was riding the Oblivion at Alton Towers. It was then with predictable results that projectile vomiting would follow and with a distance many amateur shot-putters would be proud of.


3. ALAN AND THE CASE OF THE ULTIMATELY DISSAPOINTING FIREWORK

“Stand Back Lads, This is Going to be a Big one”

Al had arrived at Toms Fireworks & First Aid Extravaganza with a rocket so large it could be designated WMD. But like the hype leading up to the Invasion of Iraq, the reality was really rather less impressive.

As the already slightly nervous crowd (See “The Spirit of Guido Fawkes”) took several steps backwards, the missile soared towards the stratosphere before exploding with all the ferocity of a Hamsters fart.

I wonder how Comical Ali would have spun that one?


4. JAMES FALLS OFF SUNSHINE MOUNTAIN

Nomination number two for young Jim, who once again demonstrated his complete lack of self-preservation when drunk by attempting to walk under every van/bus/car/bicycle on the streets of Twickenham

It was for his failed attempt to complete the challenging task of remaining on a train seat without falling off that many will remember as the highlight of the day.


5. LAGER THIEF LEAVES NIGE THIRSTY/HICCUPPY

It was going to be one of those nights, we had been seated in the Curry House for an hour before anyone even took our order. Eventually some lagers had arrived along with some starters (not necessarily the ones we had ordered but…)

Anyway with ¼ of a pint remaining and understanding that the staff were working on a different time-zone I had thought ahead and ordered a few more beers. The confused waiter looked at me for a moment, before picking up my pint and walking off.

The food eventually arrived but there was still no sign of the fresh pints we had ordered, or the remnants of my newly liberated first pint. It took just a few mouthfuls before I realised that this was going to be a particucularly strong Madras. As my face rolled through an entire spectrum of hues, the hiccups arrived!

I had then decided that being a hicuppy, sweaty, purple mess was more than reason enough to steal another mans pint.

You’ll be happy to know that I suvived the ordeal, but with long lasting damage to my ego.

Some drinks eventually did turn up, 35 minutes later, if anybody knows what became of my original pint please let me know. I still maintain a lone vigil to it’s memory!


So there you go. Who will win the Incredibly Small Trophy?

The Chiltie Awards will be announced on the 4th December 2006, so you have until then

Happy Voting.