Inside Bryson: Tom's Story

Thomas was born on his birthday sometime during the 70’s. As a small child he would embrace the spirit of the era by growing his sideburns, flairing his trousers and investing in a middle of the range Soda Stream.

By the 1980’s he was old enough to start school. He named it Thomas Hoadley Grammar and installed himself as an acting deputy headmaster. Unfortunately his father soon needed the shed back, and so he closed his school and went to the local comprehensive with other children from the area. It was to be here that young Thomas would discover his lifelong passion for semolina pudding.

He was a bright pupil and would come to sit his GCSE exams two whole years early. Thankfully for him somebody pointed out the error and he was able to return to his usual lessons before the teacher marked him absent.

It was during this period he was to become a gifted Guitarist. He could not play the guitar but had received it as a gift. He later gave it away as another gift before receiving it back from somebody who has subsequently dropped off his Christmas card list.

Thomas left School nightly at 3:30, and finally for good when he turned 16. He applied to both Oxford and Cambridge Universities with a desire to study Advanced Petrochemicals - a hobby of his since he had been the sole witness to a sporadic fire at his school, which, as Thomas explained, must have been started by a trio of wondering fire-eaters.

Unfortunately due to a postal strike his application forms never arrived, and so Thomas set out into the brave wide world to look for adventure and employment with dental privileges.

He looked first at a career in the armed forces, but an allergy to brass band music mixed with a nervous twich in his trigger finger saw him quickly discharged after what the papers called the Passing out parade Incident.

Going into hiding to escape the attentions of the tabloid press, and the lawsuits of the bereaved, Thomas found his true calling, tending to the gardens of the rich & famous.

Gradually as one by one the famous caught him going through their dustbins and stealing clothes off the washing line, his client based switched to the “Wealthy & Well Knowns”, and finally the “Average Income Who are They’s”

Just as he thought things could get no worse, they did. Then they got a little better, before being great for a while and eventually levelling out at content, with the odd dip here and there and a few sharp spikes in his Gazebo.

Thomas is currently looking to expand his successful gardening business and move into fields, hedgerows, woodland and forestry.

Outside of work he is also involved with managing the popular Country & Western Quartet from Birmingham, TJ Bimmy & the OK Choral. Who have had some moderate success with the Singles “Hodown in my Heart”, “The Outlaw Man from Dagenham” and the Valentines day Classic “Sally (The Girl from Cherwell Valley)”.

The future is looking bright for Thomas as he moves towards yet another birthday. One which I am sure he will celebrate in style, possibly by using the old soda stream to make slightly cheaper carbonated beverages.