It’s getting to that time of year where the weather forecasters reach for their favourite word, Autumnal. It is a word that can be used to describe a large number of meteorological outcomes without actually describing anything at all.
In fact I watched a weather bulletin the other night and came away absolutely none the wiser as to whether or not I should be donning shorts or waterproofs. I did however learn that is was going to be a bit breezy in Ireland, which wasn’t really going to come in handy.
It’s not the poor forecasters fault of course. They have just a few quick moments to say what’s going on in every part of this Atlantic island rock we call home. Just a few quick moments to give each of the 60million people who live here the weather news for their locality, and still have to look smug whilst doing it.
Back-in-the-day it was all so much easier. If there was a Big Yellow Sun or a Big Black cloud over my house then I had a pretty good Idea what was going on. Now I have to tell if I fall into the Dingy brown or the Shitty brown, and even then I have no idea which means what.
Yellow Sun brings images of sea-sides and 99’s and old men with hankies on their heads. The thought of a fast moving front of shitty brown bearing down on you like a turdal tsunami is enough to drive you to emigrate, rather then think fondly of summers past.
I know we live we live in the 21st century and that everything should be whizzy and have flashy lights and stuff. And whereas I love the fact that I will soon be able to carry everything ever commercially recorded by anyone around on my iPod, and can’t wait for the first VR Consoles, not everything needs to be fixed.
Like the wheel, some things just work. Some thing’s everybody can understand!
And a big yellow cartoon sun was one of those things!
So stop trying to jazz up the weather forecasts, just tell me the weather! And put all those science people to work on building me the Jetpack I was Promised!
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