WMD - Winged Menaces of "Durr"

As a follow-up to Nige's post about our resident retarded winged rats, I am compelled to inform you of a very recent near miss while on my lunch break earlier today.

Not only is the common pigeon so stoopid it can't tell when a two tonne vehicle is careering towards it at bone-annihilating speed, but they are also completly oblivious to their surroundings when in flight as well, as I came within a few inches of being impaled, javelin-stylee by the little buggers. I could actually hear the "whoosh" of the air as it beamed past - a couple a inches to the right and it would've smashed a couple of my ribs.

It's things like this that scars a man for life, not being smacked when you were little. I'm surprised there haven't been fatalities in Trafalgar Square, or at least a few bird-related injuries on Casualty.

It's not just pigeons either. Only a few months ago at Le Mans, Nige almost suffered a fatal head wound as a missled toward him. Had he not have ducked, Tom, Macca and myself would've had to break the news to his parents that "Nige was impaled by a tit". But on reflection that night, it's what he would have wanted.

So in conclusion, we should all count our blessings. We may avoid being hit by a car or mugged on the street, but far too little time is taken to consider the risks of the low flying bird. So if you see one while driving and it's in your way - hit it. Don't slow down, flash your lights or parp it, because nothing is more satisfying than seeing a localised fireworks-esque plume of feathers. The best part is, if it's a pheasent, the person behind you is allowed to take it, cook it and eat it.

Do you know anyone who'd complain about a free meal?